Divine Masculine

Balance the Divine - Part two: The Divine Masculine

January 29, 2019


Balance the Divine, is written as a three-part series of articles which together give a complete story. Written from personal experience, I have endeavoured to addresses the important issue of finding harmony between the divine masculine and divine feminine, inside of ourselves.


I recently witnessed a social media conflict rage out of control. After endless online arguments, weeks later the site was finally shut down. The cause of all this anger was the appearance of a well-intended post that was trying to bring to light ongoing sexually inappropriate behaviour within a temporary ‘festival like’ community. But instead of coming together in order to address the issue, the opposite had happened. The comments that followed came predominantly from men who were either exonerating each other, in complete denial, or simply throwing about hateful remarks. Although I did not agree with the public posting of the sensitive topic, I was hopeful that it would at least provide an answer to the scale of the problem. However, the dominance of male aggression had created an intensely hostile environment which seemed to prevent the core discussion from happening.

This downward spiral was heart-breaking, and as the calls for understanding and empathy went unheard, I started to despise this prevalence of damaging, male dominating behaviours. In the days and weeks that followed, I became intolerant of interactions with men where I felt undermined. I could no longer be patronised or condescended, without fiercely retaliating back with my own aggression! Following a particularly explosive and regrettable incident with a bus driver, I knew something was out of kilter and much damage was being done. I needed to restore my inner peace. 
Now most of my adult life, I have thought of masculinity as superior to the feminine in some way and I have often sided with men in the great masculine/feminine divide. So, this change of feeling in me, which can best be described as an underlying negativity towards men, was confusing to say in the least. After speaking with a friend, I started to reflect on memories of growing up with my father. My father, in a state of undiagnosed depression, had been out of work much of my life. Stuck in his mental prison, he was unable to acknowledge or meet my emotional needs. While he expressed parental care and love on some level, his tyrannical approach had caused a whole range of complex and intense emotions to develop towards him: embarrassment, disappointment, fear, irritation. It was from here, inside of this sensitive and guarded past that these feelings were surfacing and being projected towards men in my present-day relationships.    

Recognising this problem has now allowed a process of healing to start. I feel I have a duty of personal responsibility to overcome these feelings because the end goal will not only bring lasting benefit to my peace of mind but also for those around me. However, in learning to appreciate the masculine, I feel there is much work to be done. I tried making a list of masculine virtues, as something to be grateful for, except I failed to note even one. Are there no virtues of men? Everything I thought to list through commonly held beliefs such as, protection, logic, and strength, seemed ambiguous or dualistic. Disheartened by the task I had set myself, I came to a realisation. When I looked closely, I was not able to attribute any virtues as being solely masculine since women possess these qualities too, and in saying that, the opposite is also true. Men possess conventionally held feminine qualities such as kindness, nurture and gentleness. We all, male and female, must endeavour to practise a range of virtues and each should be cultivated equally. It is only then that we can become balanced and whole in our being. So, the question remaining is how to begin?

Divine Feminine

Balance the Divine - Part one: The Divine Feminine

January 29, 2019

Balance the Divine, is written as a three-part series of articles which together give a complete story. Written from personal experience, I have endeavoured to address the important issue of finding harmony between the divine masculine and divine feminine, inside of ourselves.




“I’m a tom boy” I would proudly say. “Really?” People would reply much surprised, “I think you’re quite feminine”. “But… I’m a Mechanical Engineer, I drink pints and play football… all my friends are boys!”

I have spent much of my adult life rejecting femininity. It’s not that I minded being a girl, but somewhere in my late teens while I was exploring who I was in the world, I became deeply affected by negative portrayals of women. I saw cooking and cleaning as activities to look down upon, and not to mention emotional instability was rife amongst us! These negative stereotypes that were engrained in me by the main stream media seemed common place, and as I started to hear these comments banded about by my male friends, I was desperate to get away from it.  At the height of this time, in my early twenties, I was wearing baggy trousers, drinking pints of bitter and captaining a football team. “I’m not one of those girls who guys make fun of, I’m one of the lads”. My mission was complete.

In the years that followed, my inner natural expressions did begin to surface. (although I use the term ‘natural’ with caution, as natural is quite difficult to accomplish when subject to the pressures of the fashion, and beauty industries). The personal need to be physically attractive, eventually replaced the t-shirts and baggy trousers and I even took up yoga, an activity that I had avoided, as being ‘a woman’s exercise’, and regretfully once discouraged an ex boyfriend from practicing! As time went on, steady progress continued to be made. Primarily, this was down to the influence of my close girl-friends, because in them, I could see and aspire towards their self-confidence of being. But despite this, the need to be liked by, and to be part of the ‘boy’s-club’, could not allow me to give up my dislike for thinking or acting like a woman, and so my internal conflict continued.

I first came to Glastonbury in November 2016 and was charmed by each day full of the magic of synchronicities and revelations. One evening a friend asked me to come to a red tent (a heart sharing circle) in the Goddess House. I initially cringed at the idea but decided to go along to ‘while away’ a few hours. I carried with me, my usual air of embarrassment when it comes to doing ‘women’s things’, however as the group started to cast their desires and intentions in the circle, I began to wonder why, in this room of women I liked, was I feeling so out of place? What was it that I was not accepting? And for the first time, I began to wonder if my rejection of the feminine all these years, was down to the relationship with my mother? Had her mental health disorder, which resulted in inaccessibility and detachment from her, been the reason for my denial of womankind all these years? I voiced this out to the group and received back some affirmative nods. And at that moment, it became my intention to accept and appreciate the feminine in me. And then, I almost forgot all about it.

environment

Local Elections

October 04, 2018


Johnathon Bartley (coleader of the Green Party) visits the camp, describing HS2 as ‘environmental vandalism’.
For the past seven years, HS2 has blighted local communities threatening to destroy homes, businesses and quality of life.  Over the years, countless local residents have come together to oppose HS2, but sadly in mid-2017, the project was granted Royal Assent and for many marked the end of a long and heart-breaking battle.
Hillingdon Green Party members were amongst those who had tirelessly campaigned. With their combined efforts taking them from the select committee review to giving evidence in the House of Lords. After exhausting these democratic processes, they have now moved to the front line at the Harefield Wildlife Protection Camp on Harvil Road, where they are recording and reporting environmental and construction concerns on a daily basis. And so far, they’ve been pretty successful at it, finding evidence of environmental mismanagement, directly resulting in a HS2 planning application being denied.
The Green Party had recently focusing their efforts in winning seats in the Council Elections, believing it to be an area where much more could be done. With Hillingdon Council now acting as an authorising authority with HS2, they believe measures needed to be put in place to protects residents from inevitable budgets cuts and project delays and green councillors would be sure to have brought in a much-needed balanced view to these decisions. 
The Green Party put in a commendable effort to this election campaign, with a record-breaking number of candidates running throughout the wards. Special emphasis was on Harefield and other areas greatly affected, but despite their tough campaign they failed to break the Tory stronghold. 
Sofia kazi, resident at the Wildlife Protection Camp and Ickenham candidate says 'The disappointment of the elections has run deep. This important avenue in the fight against HS2 would have brought fresh hope to the area'. 
 
 But undeterred by this setback, the Wildlife Protection Camp have resolved to continue in it's united mission, to leave no stone unturned and to do everything in its power to stop the continued destruction of HS2.


environment

A Vote for Change

October 02, 2018

I had the good fortune to spend a lot of time with the Hillingdon Green Party who heavily supported the Stop HS2 Wildlife Protection Camp. Be the change you want to see.





social justice

Who is Black Cat?

September 10, 2018


I recently gave this presentation at a workshop at Brunel University. The event was themed around Article 29 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, which states ‘Everyone has duties to the community in which alone the free and full development of his personality is possible’. Each presenter was asked to think about the notion of what happens when a question is shared. This was my contribution.

People regularly ask me, “where did you get the name Black Cat”? But once I was asked “who is Black Cat” and that got me thinking. You see it’s a name that I’ve recently been using, I like it - yes, but it’s more than that, it’s a name that has come to serve as a remainder of a transition into this, what I would call ‘life less ordinary’. Now I call myself an ordinary person. I used to have an ordinary job and an ordinary life and life was good. The turning point was when I discovered spirituality and that’s when things began to change. ‘I’ started changing - in lots of ways, like losing interest in materialism… but the biggest change that happened, was that I started to let go of the fear that surrounds life. The fear of not having enough money, of needing long term security, I was letting go of the fear of total annihilation which was binding me to my job.  So then I retired (age 34). 
Now I didn’t retire to enjoy sleeping in or to sit out on a beach for evermore. I planned to volunteer in a yoga ashram where spiritual seekers can do what’s called ‘selfless service’, this involves volunteering full time through teaching yoga and running the ashram in return for food/board, workshops and courses and of course more spiritual development.

So that was my long-term plan. Soon after, I left work in February 2015 to travel to India to do a yoga teacher training course, and it was there, that I first became acquainted with the ‘ hippy travelling scene’. I was impressed by how these folks were just happily roaming around on a shoe string budget and mainly camping on the land to support this. So I too ended up spending several months high up in the mountains, in traveller communities doing the same… learning how to make campfires and build shelters and all the while this was happening, I realy started to deepen my connection to the natural world. I ended up spending a lot longer in India than I had originally anticipated and after 17 months (June 2016) I came home. When I came back I realised that a lot had changed in me, I still wanted more adventures and I didn’t quite feel ready to commit myself to the ashram. So what was a girl going to do? Well later that year in October 2016, I as ‘Black Cat’, decided to begin my own nomadic journey in England. Why? Well I didn’t exactly know at the time, but everything seemed to feel just right.

This is my current life, I go by the name Black Cat and I have one agenda, to live without spending a lot of money (because I retired right!). Now rent IS a lot of money, but the good news is, there are a lot of options for people if you keep an open mind. Where the problem lies is ‘comfort’, but that just has to be dealt with. You have to mentally work to get over that which is where spirituality has helped me, but that’s all I’ll be saying on it because that’s a whole other story in itself!

On the 14th of October I set off travelling with a couple of shower curtains for shelter. Yes two shower curtains because I deemed a tent too heavy! I started in Wales and then on to Glastonbury and after a month I decided to take some good advice and spend the winter camping on a beach in the Canary Islands. But in the interim, I had a few weeks to kill so I headed off to a protest camp I’d heard about.. something about high speed rail? – I didn’t have any more of an idea than that, so on 13th of November I arrived at the Harefield Wildlife Protection Camp on Harvil Road and pitched up my tent (a tent was acquired by then).

I really only meant to visit for a couple of weeks, camp in the safety of others, play some guitar and disappear off to the Canary Islands, but it didn’t work out like that…I decided to stay! For so many reasons. Because I had met the most amazing inspirational people who I believed in, because I felt the connection to protect nature, because I wanted to help our supporters, but most importantly because I felt fulfilled in making a difference. Everybody was making a difference, no leader, no plan, just everyone creating and contributing in their own way. This was unity in diversity coming together for the common purpose and I loved it.

I just want to say a little bit more about the job of a resident on a protest camp. Because just living on a protest camp is by itself a huge contribution. Especially in winter where it's extremely physically and mentally challenging and there aren't usually many volunteers to help! I almost didn’t make it, but one thing which I can honestly say helped me, was that there... I was warmed by the fire of friendship, comradery, righteousness and touched by the support and kind words we received. This is what made the difference, all day long seeing the smiles and hearing the cheers from the passing cars. But behind those smiles knowing the sadness and brokenness created by HS2, this is why it became important to me and why I could not leave.

I spent a lot of time engaging and building relations with the local village, Harefield. I felt this was particularly important to help prevent the camp being type caste as ‘trouble makers', just wasting time sitting at the side of the road’. I think a lot of people resorted to using this excuse to discredit a good thing and exonerate themselves from getting involved, so it was hard.

On the 14th of April, after the, "best 5 months of my life" and with the long winter firmly behind me, I left.

Life on camp is mainly about survival, survival of the camp and of ourselves. Each day, we were working just to meet our basic needs and it was difficult to engage in much else. I did get interested in writing articles which helped to publicise our efforts. But even writing an article is pretty difficult in those conditions. And now I have left, I am able to write and do so much more.

And that’s where I am today…

This is my current life, I go by the name Black Cat and I have two agendas, firstly to live without spending a lot of money and secondly to make a positive contribution in the world. And why? Because I just spent the last 5 months having the time of my life. Making a real and positive contribution in society, is what I’ve discovered creates fulfilment in my life and is this now the intention of my journey ahead.

There are many new projects that have been brought to my attention that I want to explore. I find there is a deep need in ourselves to feel supported in life. We go from the guidance and care of our parental homes, straight into the arms of the state who have almost perfectly contrived every possible way to keep us bound to their system.. comfortable with life, but truly fulfilled? Living life at camp at that basic level has also inspired me to confront issues of social justice. In my journey I am homeless, because I choose not to have a job. Homeless doesn’t have to mean suffering or hopelessness and I hope to find many options of how to live a rich and fulfilled life in this way.

Final word

In the past 6 months I’ve experience many set-backs. My efforts blocked, stopped, criticised you name it. But it’s the old cliché, ‘it is from these experiences that I have grown the most’ and without them this journey would never have been the same. So if you’re going to support a good cause - go ahead and pick one which seems ridiculously hopeless because you’ll win no matter what happens!

My journey started when I left my job and now I’ve walked a full circle because I’ve been lead back into working. I have always enjoyed work, but the difference now is that I am directly contributing to making positive change in the world and there is nothing more fulfilling. It’s unpaid work, but in my opinion, this is the most important job I have ever held. And as for my personality, well I feel like I have become a better person for it.. There is a beauty in service and I feel that a kindness in me is growing, a more understanding me but also a me who realises that with each day time is short and the time to act is now.





environment

Article - Tree Planting Mittigation

September 07, 2018


And now some good news the HS2 tree planting mitigation has just begun!  
For the millions of trees which will be cut down to pave the way for the notorious high-speed rail project, HS2 have pledged to replant 7 million. Crowders Nursery up in Yorkshire has been busy growing thousands of native species of oak, hornbeam and alder soon to be flourishing in Hillingdon in once empty fields. Wonderful news we cry, time to stop protesting and give HS2 a pat on the back!  Now I don’t consider myself an unreasonable person but sadly, delving beneath the surface of HS2’s famous statement ‘no net loss of biodiversity’ we uncover that the reality is not quite as it appears to be.
Tree planting at Dews Lane is one of several local sites for ecological mitigation. But what is surprising is that these young trees appear to have been rather densely packed together, easily noticeable when compared with the adjoining woodland. This planting density immediately raises questions to their growth and wellbeing, so my first port of call is to approach the HS2 help desk for more information, they said: At woodland ride edges (Dews Lane) 1m average centres are likely to be used with an anticipated tree planting density figure of 10,000 trees per hectare’.  
This density figure 10,000 trees per hectare is shocking to say in the least. HS2’s tree replacement programme at Dews Lane classifies this area as ordinary scrub land giving it little ecological importance. Habitats that are typically created for nature conservation would have a planting density of between 1100 – 1500 of trees per hectare and there is an enormous difference here.  When trees are planted it is common practice to plant more than would make it into adulthood as trees are routinely thinned  removing less desirable damaged trees, but when trees are planted at 1m spacings they will be increased competition for water nutrients and sunlight and it is certain that a very large percentage of these tress will have to be felled.
Colne Valley is a species rich nature reserve with a high ecological and conservation value and I question why HS2 are not prioritising and implementing the strictest mitigation measures for nature conservation. We can hazard a guess as to why HS2 have squeezed so many trees into such little space and my bet is, that it is just another exercise to report figures that look good on the table. To state that seven million trees will be planted sounds good to anyone but is grossly misleading when the expected survival rate is immediately halved at best making the reality of ‘no net loss of biodiversity’ into an increasing mockery. 
There is no compensation for the cutting down of mature trees especially our ancient woodland. We cannot mitigate for hundreds and hundreds of years of developing ecology, there is no such thing. Climate change is upon us right now and Colne Valley, known as the green lungs of London plays an important role in absorbing toxic air from heavily polluted London which remains in breach of European air quality laws. Air pollution is now a contributor in the deaths of nearly 10,000 people across the capital per year. Can we really afford to wait 50 years for a fraction of these trees to mature? Every effort for environmental preservation must be taken now.

environment

Article - Mud on the Road

September 07, 2018




Harvil Road is a busy road, home to several heavy industries bringing a constant stream of HGV’s (heavy goods vehicles) for much of the day. It is also a hospital road leading to a life-saving heart hospital in Harefield and well used by the other emergency services. Sadly, this road is notorious as an accident hotspot and fatalities have often prompted campaigners to request a reduction in speed limit. Road safety is of utmost concern to all who use it and should be especially so for the companies who share it.

Not everyone it appears does share this concern and protesters on Harvil Road have regularly witnessed breaches in road safety at the HS2 works entrance (North gate). Almost every day during the Winter, vehicles were seen leaving the compound trailing slippery mud along the road and yes it is still happening to this day. A dangerous activity as the reduction in surface friction causes wheels to lose surface grip and result in loss of vehicle control. Protesters have been documenting these incidents since last year and Louisa Ede, a local business woman has taken up the issue with Hillingdon Council she says, ‘In 2013 I was fined and shut down for a week when the council received a complaint of my vehicles leaving mud on the road. HS2 regularly leaves mud on Harvil road and far worse than in my experience, why is this continuing to happen?’

After raising the matter with the council, a road cleaning unit is now being intermittently deployed but protestors say this is hardly satisfactory when the mud is sometimes left for days on end. HS2 have stated in their own document, Draft Code of Conduct Practice, ‘appropriate wheel cleaning measures will be employed to prevent the transfer and accumulation of mud or other granular deposits on the highways.’ but HS2 are clearly failing to honour this commitment. There are many solutions available such as wheel washing facilities which other companies employ, and it seems unacceptable that so little has been done.

Another hazard frequently observed stems from the ‘illegal driveway’ created by HS2. This illegal driveway could never have obtained planning permission had HS2 been made to apply through the proper channels. On refusal of deliveries at the gate road safety logic would suggest allowing vehicles entry to turn around but they are forced to back out on the bend of the most dangerous part of Harvil road. HS2 security preferring to keep their gates firmly locked. Clearly there is room for improvement!

In addition to communications with Hillingdon Council, protesters have made HS2 well aware by raising these issues in the high court. Road safety evidence was served to HS2’s top international solicitors, Evershed and Sutherland, and witness statements containing evidence were also read out. Failing this the protestors have been directly requesting a road safety meeting with HS2 community liaison representative but four months later they are still waiting.

HS2 subcontractor Murphy ltd are proud to display their latest pledge as “considerate contractors” stating their compliance to certain codes such as ‘Respect the Community and Secure Everyone’s Safety’. But can it be possible to respect a community when the local people do not welcome or want this project; set to destroy their environment, houses and local businesses. And can they really be showing their intentions to ‘securing safety’ when these documented road safety issues have been left to continue?

If you have experienced any problems with HS2 road safety, we would like to hear from you. Come and visit us at the Wildlife Protection Camp on Harvil Road or email us at protectcolnevalley@gmail.com. ‘Local people coming together to stop the madness of HS2.’