Balance
the Divine, is written as a three-part series of articles which together give a
complete story. Written from personal experience, I have endeavoured to addresses the
important issue of finding harmony between the divine masculine and divine
feminine, inside of ourselves.
I recently witnessed a social media conflict rage out of
control. After endless online arguments, weeks later the site was finally shut
down. The cause of all this anger was the appearance of a well-intended post
that was trying to bring to light ongoing sexually inappropriate behaviour
within a temporary ‘festival like’ community. But instead of coming together in
order to address the issue, the opposite had happened. The comments that
followed came predominantly from men who were either exonerating each other, in
complete denial, or simply throwing about hateful remarks. Although I did not
agree with the public posting of the sensitive topic, I was hopeful that it
would at least provide an answer to the scale of the problem. However, the
dominance of male aggression had created an intensely hostile environment which
seemed to prevent the core discussion from happening.
This downward spiral was heart-breaking, and as the calls
for understanding and empathy went unheard, I started to despise this
prevalence of damaging, male dominating behaviours. In the days and weeks that
followed, I became intolerant of interactions with men where I felt undermined.
I could no longer be patronised or condescended, without fiercely retaliating back
with my own aggression! Following a particularly explosive and regrettable
incident with a bus driver, I knew something was out of kilter and much damage
was being done. I needed to restore my inner peace.
Now most of my adult life, I have thought of masculinity as
superior to the feminine in some way and I have often sided with men in the
great masculine/feminine divide. So, this change of feeling in me, which can
best be described as an underlying negativity towards men, was confusing to say
in the least. After speaking with a friend, I started to reflect on memories of
growing up with my father. My father, in a state of undiagnosed depression, had
been out of work much of my life. Stuck in his mental prison, he was unable to
acknowledge or meet my emotional needs. While he expressed parental care and
love on some level, his tyrannical approach had caused a whole range of complex
and intense emotions to develop towards him: embarrassment, disappointment,
fear, irritation. It was from here, inside of this sensitive and guarded past
that these feelings were surfacing and being projected towards men in my
present-day relationships.
Recognising this problem has now allowed a process of
healing to start. I feel I have a duty of personal responsibility to overcome
these feelings because the end goal will not only bring lasting benefit to my
peace of mind but also for those around me. However, in learning to appreciate
the masculine, I feel there is much work to be done. I tried making a list of
masculine virtues, as something to be grateful for, except I failed to note
even one. Are there no virtues of men? Everything I thought to list through
commonly held beliefs such as, protection, logic, and strength, seemed
ambiguous or dualistic. Disheartened by the task I had set myself, I came to a
realisation. When I looked closely, I was not able to attribute any virtues as
being solely masculine since women possess these qualities too, and in saying
that, the opposite is also true. Men possess conventionally held feminine
qualities such as kindness, nurture and gentleness. We all, male and female,
must endeavour to practise a range of virtues and each should be cultivated
equally. It is only then that we can become balanced and whole in our being. So,
the question remaining is how to begin?
