Divine Masculine

Balance the Divine - Part two: The Divine Masculine

January 29, 2019

Balance the Divine, is written as a three-part series of articles which together give a complete story. Written from personal experience, I have endeavoured to addresses the important issue of finding harmony between the divine masculine and divine feminine, inside of ourselves.

I recently witnessed a social media conflict rage out of control. After endless online arguments, weeks later the site was finally shut down. The cause of all this anger was the appearance of a well-intended post that was trying to bring to light ongoing sexually inappropriate behaviour within a temporary ‘festival like’ community. But instead of coming together in order to address the issue, the opposite had happened. The comments that followed came predominantly from men who were either exonerating each other, in complete denial, or simply throwing about hateful remarks. Although I did not agree with the public posting of the sensitive topic, I was hopeful that it would at least provide an answer to the scale of the problem. However, the dominance of male aggression had created an intensely hostile environment which seemed to prevent the core discussion from happening.

This downward spiral was heart-breaking, and as the calls for understanding and empathy went unheard, I started to despise this prevalence of damaging, male dominating behaviours. In the days and weeks that followed, I became intolerant of interactions with men where I felt undermined. I could no longer be patronised or condescended, without fiercely retaliating back with my own aggression! Following a particularly explosive and regrettable incident with a bus driver, I knew something was out of kilter and much damage was being done. I needed to restore my inner peace. 

Now most of my adult life, I have thought of masculinity as superior to the feminine in some way and I have often sided with men in the great masculine/feminine divide. So, this change of feeling in me, which can best be described as an underlying negativity towards men, was confusing to say in the least. After speaking with a friend, I started to reflect on memories of growing up with my father. My father, in a state of undiagnosed depression, had been out of work much of my life. Stuck in his mental prison, he was unable to acknowledge or meet my emotional needs. While he expressed parental care and love on some level, his tyrannical approach had caused a whole range of complex and intense emotions to develop towards him: embarrassment, disappointment, fear, irritation. It was from here, inside of this sensitive and guarded past that these feelings were surfacing and being projected towards men in my present-day relationships.    

Recognising this problem has now allowed a process of healing to start. I feel I have a duty of personal responsibility to overcome these feelings because the end goal will not only bring lasting benefit to my peace of mind but also for those around me. However, in learning to appreciate the masculine, I feel there is much work to be done. I tried making a list of masculine virtues, as something to be grateful for, except I failed to note even one. Are there no virtues of men? Everything I thought to list through commonly held beliefs such as, protection, logic, and strength, seemed ambiguous or dualistic. Disheartened by the task I had set myself, I came to a realisation. When I looked closely, I was not able to attribute any virtues as being solely masculine since women possess these qualities too, and in saying that, the opposite is also true. Men possess conventionally held feminine qualities such as kindness, nurture and gentleness. We all, male and female, must endeavour to practise a range of virtues and each should be cultivated equally. It is only then that we can become balanced and whole in our being. So, the question remaining is how to begin?

Divine Feminine

Balance the Divine - Part one: The Divine Feminine

January 29, 2019

Balance the Divine, is written as a three-part series of articles which together give a complete story. Written from personal experience, I have endeavoured to address the important issue of finding harmony between the divine masculine and divine feminine, inside of ourselves.

“I’m a tom boy” I would proudly say. “Really?” People would reply much surprised, “I think you’re quite feminine”. “But… I’m a Mechanical Engineer, I drink pints and play football… all my friends are boys!”

I have spent much of my adult life rejecting femininity. It’s not that I minded being a girl, but somewhere in my late teens while I was exploring who I was in the world, I became deeply affected by negative portrayals of women. I saw cooking and cleaning as activities to look down upon, and not to mention emotional instability was rife amongst us! These negative stereotypes that were engrained in me by the main stream media seemed common place, and as I started to hear these comments banded about by my male friends, I was desperate to get away from it.  At the height of this time, in my early twenties, I was wearing baggy trousers, drinking pints of bitter and captaining a football team. “I’m not one of those girls who guys make fun of, I’m one of the lads”. My mission was complete.

In the years that followed, my inner natural expressions did begin to surface. (although I use the term ‘natural’ with caution, as natural is quite difficult to accomplish when subject to the pressures of the fashion, and beauty industries). The personal need to be physically attractive, eventually replaced the t-shirts and baggy trousers and I even took up yoga, an activity that I had avoided, as being ‘a woman’s exercise’, and regretfully once discouraged an ex boyfriend from practicing! As time went on, steady progress continued to be made. Primarily, this was down to the influence of my close girl-friends, because in them, I could see and aspire towards their self-confidence of being. But despite this, the need to be liked by, and to be part of the ‘boy’s-club’, could not allow me to give up my dislike for thinking or acting like a woman, and so my internal conflict continued.

I first came to Glastonbury in November 2016 and was charmed by each day full of the magic of synchronicities and revelations. One evening a friend asked me to come to a red tent (a heart sharing circle) in the Goddess House. I initially cringed at the idea but decided to go along to ‘while away’ a few hours. I carried with me, my usual air of embarrassment when it comes to doing ‘women’s things’, however as the group started to cast their desires and intentions in the circle, I began to wonder why, in this room of women I liked, was I feeling so out of place? What was it that I was not accepting? And for the first time, I began to wonder if my rejection of the feminine all these years, was down to the relationship with my mother? Had her mental health disorder, which resulted in inaccessibility and detachment from her, been the reason for my denial of womankind all these years? I voiced this out to the group and received back some affirmative nods. And at that moment, it became my intention to accept and appreciate the feminine in me. And then, I almost forgot all about it.