Lucky for some, it’s in my nature to help out. So back in 2023 when my parents started to struggle, I valiantly ‘mounted my steed’* and rode North from Brighton to Birkenhead to help them out. After months of toil trying to keep things going, it was proving to be just as much of my own mental struggle as their own worsening condition. But over the coming weeks things started to shift. Through the lows of repeating toxic patterns, there came a new-found sense of wellbeing: - in showing up for and supporting the very people that I once couldn’t stand being around.  

Nothing can quite raise your vibrations to the dizzy heights of loving compassion, than those touching moments of care and connection you can show a loved one in their hour of need. Decades of meditation or mantra chanting on top of the Himalayas might still never prove otherwise. Revisiting the buried feelings of filial* love have been expansive, but even the lows have helped in their own sweet way, in processing the childhood hurt through the eyes and experience of inner work and maturity. 

All of my best adventures in life have been through the journey of self-discovery. Because it’s when we grow past the hurt that has so often kept us small, that we are able to create new realities in what we wish to be defined by. This is where huge leaps in our healing journeys can be made. Do we stay the victim of our circumstances forever or can we become the valiant conquerors and creators of our New World?  

Life is a hard graft for anyone. So much so, it can make easy work of overlooking or even excusing the everyday burdenous act of giving. It is far more convenient to justify our poor relationships and try to block those extra annoyances out of our lives. As a ‘know-all’ teenager, I smartly philosophised that as I hadn’t asked to be born, I didn’t owe my parents a thing. I sailed off Sayonara* into the sunset many a time, but this time I’m back for good. After wandering the world, my new philosophy is to believe that if we have any gratitude for our lives and living selves, then let us first thank the very people who birthed and raised us; in the gentle remembrance that they did it in the best way that they knew how. 

Growing up with parents with ‘undiagnosed’ personality problems has been an undeniable struggle, and with effects that have been far-reaching in my life. In my experience, I have found that the best therapy has been in the choosing of empathy over anger and blame. By looking to the positive in every moment, we can undergo the mental feat of forgiveness through the understanding of one another. So why not start today and you too could soon be able to transform your trauma into a triumph. As a child, you can’t do much with hurtful experiences but to bury and forget about them. For many they will lie there malevolently for a lifetime, probably growing into a ‘Poison Tree’* of some sort. But others will care to graft, root it out and alchemise that pain into golden treasures. 

We all experience different realities by what we choose to dwell upon and a little positive thinking can go a long way. Try and make your story about what your parents gave you rather than what they could not. Because we should take care to remember that the life we have, is the most precious gift anyone can ever be given. 

End Note: - 
Some ancient cultures revere and honour the mother and father as our first gods and I think this is rather a nice concept; however controversial or fruity loops it may seem to think that we could all be considered godly! But in a sense, everything that lives and creates life is part of a godly element in its own way... every living creature or even a plant! Many ancient teachings tell us to remember our own divinity, so why not consider ourselves to be the very best that we can be. Because at the end of the day, we can only act in accordance to who and what we believe we are.

"Enter through the narrow gate, for wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction and many enter thorough it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life and only few find it".

Matthew 7:13 – 14

*Mounted My Steed - Got in a mates car 

*Sayonara – Farewell

*Filial – Affection, devotion and sense of duty that a child feels towards their parent*

*A Poison Tree – Poem by Willian Blake 

 

Over the last few years I’ve been taking a back seat in life, learning to live in the marvellous abandonment of ‘flow’. Happy and open to all that life brings forth. It’s a spiritual practice, that uses concepts such as, “I try not to have any likes and dislikes”, “it’s karma” or “there’s no such thing as good and bad, only life experience”. On the whole it’s been quite a pleasant time, I’ve become accustomed to dwelling less in the anger of retribution and I’m more able to look past the uncomfortable, in favour of understanding and acceptance. Flow is a beautiful energy that comes from a place of quiet unfolding. Throughout the years, it has certainly brought out a more compassionate and less reactive self. But ‘in the flow’ has started to present it’s darker more subtler side, which now bring my current philosophies into question…

‘Living in the flow’ isn’t particularly an actionable energy. Over time you could find yourself waking up one morning, wondering how you went from that city slicker over-run with responsibilities, to somebody who’s blissfully; not got too much going on. When you’re in the flow your tolerance will be sky high, but if you flow ‘too’ much you can find that what once defined you as a person is gradually eroding away. Flow is a naturally giving energy, but as the universe continues to take… you may likely find that there are some things in life that need to be corrected. Form needs boundary, and in order to exist as a healthy entity it is always necessary to enter into the productive state of give and take, ebb and flow.

There is an art to cultivating happiness and I have found that a pair of Zen tinted glasses have been a wonderful tool, ‘fake it till you make it’ never felt so good. While ‘taking it on the chin’, is in many ways a mature response to conflict and a good show of mental resilience, hitting back when needed can provide refreshingly positive results, not to mention the moral boost of winning. I have found that in recent provocative situations, a sudden burst of assertion where necessary, never felt better or proved more positive. Because at the end of the day, fairs fair and it feels good to claim back what is rightfully yours.

The culmination of these years finally made sense, after an experience on none-other than a trip on the local bus (a seemingly good place for life changing moments), where I spotted an adorable critter on my hand. After identifying it as a red ant, I continued to let it walk all over me, until the inevitable happened and it bit me, leaving behind a painful itch that I’d rather have done without. Now I know what red ants are about, I could have protected myself and stopped the creature in it’s tracks... there really wasn’t any need to wait around for the hurt and pain that said ants can cause, but I was ‘in the flow’, just waiting for it to happen.

Flow is a noble feeling that employs an element of fearlessness, but I’ve come to realise that sometimes there is just no reason to let another annoying ba*tard (however adorable) walk all over you and leave behind another painful scar you’d rather have done without.
When you’re in free flow, you experience the loss of form and the defining substance of what once made you. Some say that this state is the ultimate goal of enlightenment. The merging of mind and body into the unity of the great cosmos… But as it happens, I’m not ready for that yet. I’m living in the material world and I need to regain control of my material boundaries. The mindset of flow has been a wonderful journey that has taught me so much. But it is now time to start redressing life’s natural balance of what I want and who I am as a person.

Matthew 5:39

If someone slaps you on the right cheek, turn your other cheek to him as well.

Being on the receiving end of hateful racist energy is no laughing matter. It’s not that long ago when someone threw a chicken dinner at me through a car window reducing me to tears. I tried to rationalise it with bad karma, but in the end I called the cops as I felt these statistics need to be recorded and because I didn’t want any other softies to experience the same anguish as I had. In hindsight I’d much rather have flung that chicken dinner straight back at the vehicle but there you go… soft.

Following July’s Rotherham migrant hotel protests, the subject of race and immigration has once again made the news. With new anti-immigration demonstrations hitting towns and cities nation wide, how are we beginning to address this rather unpleasant and sensitive subject? Some blame the blacks and others blame the whites but I see an opportunity to bring to account non-other than the industrial military complex and here’s why.

Back in the days of British colonial past, being different was a great thing, because by pitting one person against another, prejudicial agendas could easily be woven into the mindsets of the common folk. This once ‘racist’ nation enabled governments to reap and plunder the profits from far off lands all day long… and while never holding their governments to account, long did it continue. After colonising a third of the world, waging war over countless countries, killing off entire races, funding wars, and providing the weaponry to destroy the lives and livelihoods of millions… The perpetrator has now become the *persecuted and immigration is the natural fall out from that. It’s pay back time, but luckily the UK Prime Minister doesn’t have to live in the ghetto. 

Can you actually hate a person for being different or does it all just come from a space of lack and negative self-belief? Racism in its true sense is an idea devoid of emotion, when we make an assumption that different racial groups are inferior to ourselves. But jealousy is just plain old jealously, a projection of internal self-loathing that’s looking for it’s nearest outlet and a crusade against minority groups just so happens to be a good one. There’ll be loads of people going to these protests who will tell you, “I’m not racist I’m friends with Mr Kumar from down the road” and that’s probably true because surely you can’t be a racist if you’ve got love for Mr Kumar!  Most people are capable of having an open heart and soul connection towards another human being regardless of colour so the real hate that we feel is not towards each other, it’s towards change, deprivation and our own projections of insecurity and inadequacy of which this world gives us plenty.               

Other than, “lets be a nice person” we’re not exactly taught why we should be kind about immigration and that as a nation we should really be sharing our resources, as that’s not how capitalism works… And ‘lest we forget’ that the very wealth that this nation is built on, was once expedited from the blood shed in other lands. So we are instead left with the misery of hate and envy when we see others receiving more than what we feel entitled. Immigrants are seen as receiving warmth, attention and support and from deep within the ‘*sink estates’ of England that’s more than what some folk will ever know.                                                                                                                                                           
 
Race (and other discussions involving marginalised groups) can be quite a touchy subject. Because depending on who you’re talking to, you might end up being called a racist or a left leaning loony for that matter. Negative labels are a great way to belittle and de-validate the counter opinions of the all important conversation that need to be had to move forward as a society. One word, regardless of definition, can never express a personal view point and the complex thought pattens of any individual. Unfortunately, labels are freely used by all groups to create fear over freedom of expression that polarise and shut down discussion by casting you as either the nice guy or not: - and that isn’t true because in reality each individual makes up a myriad of grey thinking in-between.

When society creates an unfair environment or leaves folk feeling less than they are, our focus will naturally fixate upon the emptiness of what life hasn’t given us. These insecurities are something we are all subject too and a toxic culture to elevate ourselves above others can be seen everywhere. It’s common for different minority groups to look down upon each other too! For it’s only when we are truly accepted for who we are, are we then able to truly accept all others. 

* persecuted: - to harass or annoy

* sink estate: - council estate

 

Matthew 25:40

Verily, I tell you, in as much as you have done it to the least of these my brothers, you have done it to me. 

 According to Chinese culture and tradition, 2025 has now begun a new zodiac cycle in the Year of the Snake. It is said that in this year, favourable lunar conditions will mark a great time for promoting growth and transformation. So just as a snake sheds it’s skin, what comforting or cumbersome layers can we also shed away for growth and renewal in our own lives.  

 In some ways, we too can shed our old skin like giving away a bag of clothes to the charity shop.  We may even experience a fleeting moment of regret before rejoicing in the promise of a whole new wardrobe. But it is often the case that we are not prepared to let go of the things that we really love in life when they are taken.
The Year of the Snake can remind us that letting go is one of life’s hardships, that we can all benefit from paying a little more attention. And it is much easier said than done, because whether its ‘loves labour’s lost’, an offspring who’s eagerly flown the nest, that nice shiny thing you can’t find anymore or hanging on to your own stubborn thoughts. Everything comes and everything will go in its own sweet time not ours!

We can want a thing, pay the money and collect a receipt but it still may not remain with us for a lifetime. Sadly, there are a multitude of ways you might lose hold of a nice thing in life. Like when the government compulsory purchased your property for a crazed railroad scheme and thousands of folk couldn’t do a thing about it[1]. Capitalism will have you believe that joy is in the next diamond bracelet or fancy perfume, but it’s actually in those simple things in life that will give us all the lasting happiness that we desire. Because the truth is that the more we have and the nicer those things are, the greater their loss. And this loss isn’t hard to come by… in fact loss lies in wait around every corner, effortlessly catching us off guard time and time again.  
At some point in our lives, we will all fall victim to losing something that we still want to keep hold of, it is the basis of all mental anguish and suffering in this world. It’s a sad situation to which this modern world does not prepare us, and what makes it so hard is that it’s perfectly natural to view having things as normal because its in the use of external things that seems to sustain us… After all, it’s only human nature to want to keep hold of a good thing.

So how do we best deal with this impending and inevitable predicament? Could a pessimistic attitude be helpful here? To defend our walls well and keep a cool detachment from all nice things we come across? Or do we live, love and laugh… in the spiritual knowledge that it is in the experience of all life’s lessons that is the pact of each soul journey to enlightenment… in the daily practice of giving and sharing not keeping and hoarding… in the view that we are mere caretakers not owners… and in the remembering that life just as nature is an ever-changing landscape. A constant and incredible dance of the wheel of death and rebirth, to mourn the loss but always to rejoice in the dawning of the new day that is to come.
When were stuck for answers it is often helpful to look to the natural world to lead by example. We can see that nature does not accumulate or keepth for herself, it is always in a harmonic and symbiotic relationship of living to give and taking from earth what is needed to sustain. Because when we go we will take nothing with us. Live simple and live free.

“When you say you own something you become owned by it”. An conversation with Yogi Vishua Karma, in the kitchen of the Sivananda Yoga Centre London, 2015.

[1] High Speed Rail (HS2) compulsory purchase scandal, https://www.lawgazette.co.uk/news/owners-forced-to-sell-by-hs2-furious-at-cancellation-says-lawyer/5117454.article

That was how I fondly remember football, as I tend to look back on my days of youth with somewhat rose tinted specs… but now in my eyes football had fallen, straight through the hole of the entertainment abyss £££. Just another industry making big money in exploiting the humble supporter, turning a once ernest game into an unpalatable entertainment spectaculaaar! Parading these super star players off the field and through the screen onto the elitist world stage. You may as well have had them singing pop songs for all the wealth and frenzy that is whipped up ...  So why do we love to be entertained by this kind of ‘ghastly’ entertainment?

There’s a lot that can be said for the psychology of the human mind and how these mega industries are able to extract billions away from the common folk. By nature we feel thankful to others for pleasing or enriching our lives in some way and that’s rather a nice quality. But when appreciation ends up on our bedroom walls, inside of our wardrobes and a little too much in our thoughts and actions, then it begins to look a lot like idolisation and we’ve defo* been warned against that one! Yes folks we’ve gone and done it, we’ve filled our hole for reverence with celebrity culture. Damn right we need to see our idols celebrated on a podium and don’t forget the glitter bombs, because nothing says ‘I am the best’ better than a world stage to make clan and country great again… and the more glitter the better.  

 

Once upon a time, the world was full of annoying little sh*t’s in one way or another :-D. 

Some people were naughty, some people didn’t have the sense to know their left from their right (“ahem – don’t ask me to navigate you through town”). Others were a bit stand-offish, or quiet, or talkative, or too talkative! And that was just the splice of life, tonnes of folk; all having their querks and their very own unique ways of being. 

Then one day came labels and now you could go to the doctors, not just to find out what your physical ailments were, but to get your colourful personalities diagnosed too. The age of ‘ADHD’ was officially born and those imperfect ways of being became debilitating disorders that naturally needed treatment. 

   

The rise in short attention spans is definitely a thing. With the bombardment of a million different stimulants headed your way, concentration deficit remains at large. Like when you can’t live without coffee, your phone or insta vids (yes I blame ticktock for this unhappy state of affairs) then medication may well start knocking at your door. And who can blame folk?  If you need a little something something to be able to sit still and do a day’s work, then what’s the harm in that?  And there’s other benefits too, because let’s face it, we all know it’s far easier to deal with an annoying person when you know there’s a condition for their traits. Like when a person is posting way too much on the group chat, which then becomes totally fine when you know they’ve got some of that ADHD going on, and suddenly annoying bas*trd becomes a case for gentle sympathy. The world is a wicked wicked place my dad repeatedly warned me, so it’s actually kinda nice to see people treated better for any reason whatsoever, even for disclosing a disability in one’s personality.        

 

If you’re switched on in life, it’s a normal sort of thing for folk to be aware of their shortcomings and be on some sort of rocky road to personal self-development. These personality struggles are the residue of subconscious aspects of our selves, often developed through perhaps a little nature and an awful lot of childhood nurture of the dysfunctional kind. Everyone in the world can suffer from the shortcomings of a personality disfunction, however, aren’t these challenges for growth and improvement the very things that we ‘get ourselves out of bed’ for. What happens in the mindset of those who acceptance a medical condition then to reside yourself to the cruel hands of fate?

 

 

Labels make it easier to be forgiving of a person. It’s far easier to forgive a condition than to feel understanding for a plain and simple… good old annoying personality. But wouldn’t it be nice if society was a place where folk are free to live long and prosper just the way they are. Without medication to speed you up or slow you down, but to create the spaces and places that allow people to explore their gifts and live fulfilling lives just the way they are. Labels often become our limitations because the downside is that they can make folk feel less than they are, unless you have the personality type that thrives on proving everyone wrong.

 

When we believe that ‘we are something’, we exclude ourselves for being anything else, limiting our progression and expansion into anything more. But in essence we are not one thing or another, we are infinite spirit soul having a very human experience.  

As the radicals and anarchists, the liberals and freedom fighters began to philosophise about life and its loves, the confusion for many lies in the rational of it all. For instance, does it really make sense to excuse ourselves, or to limit the freedom for self-expression; for exhibiting mere natural behaviours? I mean, if folk want to get offended, that’s their problem, right? 

I’ve travelled to far off lands, where the idea of manners, really have felt like a long way from home. I’ve been pushed out of the way by grandmothers and grandchildren alike, almost been sat on, on top of buses and experienced the total non-existence of customer service at the best of times… and I can say, it felt bloody annoying. Indeed, nothing made me appreciate more, the stiff, uptight, and people pleasing ways of life back in Britain.

*Dichotomy – a division or contrast between two things that are or are represented as being opposed or entirely different.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy. Hamlet.

 I am not scared of the main stream media. I’m too old, too obnoxious, and far too ‘on the fringe’ for trifles such as that. I say what I like and I like it that way.  It’s not going to bring me any favours and probably much less support… but I have always rolled on the edge, and that’s exactly where you’ll be finding me… trying desperately to make sense of our reality today. And as the decades roll by, I remain ever the more bewildered.